After I published last night's post about what happened with court, my wife told me she didn't understand what the title had to do with the rest of the posting. The reason for that is what I started to write and what I ended up writing turned out to be two different things.
The initial tone of the posting was going to focus on my trust in God and the knowledge that though he has adopted us as sons and daughters, He has not yet returned to bring us into His home. The idea was that since He hasn't come to get us yet as promised that we need to be patient in this process as well. There are reasons He is keeping us here and there are reasons he is keeping our daughter there. I am OK with that.
What happened last night, however, was that by the time I got to the end of the posting, I was much more in tune with sadness I was feeling than I was in the similarity of the situation to my own life.
To God be the glory.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
He's not getting us yet either
Hmm. What to think? Honestly. I have no idea. Today is October 22, 2010. The date that our next court date was scheduled. You remember, right? The court date that has been postponed four times already. Well, it has been postponed again. The courts keep finding new ways to bung this whole thing up. If there weren't a life in the balance, it would be kind of comical. Guess what is postponing the court date now for the fifth time? Bet ya can't (unless you have talked to us already). They scheduled this court date on a HOLIDAY in India. The courts weren't even open today. Whatever.
Ok, I started out by saying I don't know what to think. I guess that is only partially true. Actually, I have a bunch of things zipping through my mind. In no particular order these things are:
1. How in the world is it possible that they scheduled our next court date on a holiday? I mean seriously. Have they never heard of computers that keep track of that sort of thing? Sheesh, people have been keeping track of holidays long before computers ever came along. Did no one have a pencil mark sliced through that date on their date book? This is simply a level of incompetence that I can't comprehend.
2. You are funny God. I have been telling people how I fully trust you with this. Good one. Now you are checking me out on that I see. (I think this sounds much more irreverent than it feels. I don't mean for this to sound as though I am copping an attitude with the Creator himself.)
3. There is a girl whom we have known about for almost a year. We have a family for her. Why does it seem as if the judge (in India) doesn't care?
4. I'm frustrated.
5. I'm disappointed.
6. I completely trust God.
7. I wonder if the delay is worldly-directed or God-directed?
8. Will this delay actually help the attachment process somehow or is it going to make it that much harder?
9. I specialize in foster care/adoption mental health. I know a thousand things that can go wrong with attachment, and I must admit that I am a little scared inside with each passing day/delay.
10. I might be more than a little scared, but I do not allow myself to think about the things I see everyday at work entering my home and my family. That would be close to intolerable to think about for such a long period.
11. I'm confused.
12. I desire to better understand God through this process, and I desire to better understand myself through it as well.
13. I know God is in control. I know God's ways are not my ways. I know God's thoughts are not my thoughts. I know His timing is not my timing.
14. We are only really ready to hear from friends and people who care..."We are so sorry and know this must be terribly frustrating." See #13 for things we know and don't feel like hearing right now.
15. I want my girl home. She is named and she is known. And she is loved. I just want her home.
16. This hurts more than I was expecting.
Ok, I started out by saying I don't know what to think. I guess that is only partially true. Actually, I have a bunch of things zipping through my mind. In no particular order these things are:
1. How in the world is it possible that they scheduled our next court date on a holiday? I mean seriously. Have they never heard of computers that keep track of that sort of thing? Sheesh, people have been keeping track of holidays long before computers ever came along. Did no one have a pencil mark sliced through that date on their date book? This is simply a level of incompetence that I can't comprehend.
2. You are funny God. I have been telling people how I fully trust you with this. Good one. Now you are checking me out on that I see. (I think this sounds much more irreverent than it feels. I don't mean for this to sound as though I am copping an attitude with the Creator himself.)
3. There is a girl whom we have known about for almost a year. We have a family for her. Why does it seem as if the judge (in India) doesn't care?
4. I'm frustrated.
5. I'm disappointed.
6. I completely trust God.
7. I wonder if the delay is worldly-directed or God-directed?
8. Will this delay actually help the attachment process somehow or is it going to make it that much harder?
9. I specialize in foster care/adoption mental health. I know a thousand things that can go wrong with attachment, and I must admit that I am a little scared inside with each passing day/delay.
10. I might be more than a little scared, but I do not allow myself to think about the things I see everyday at work entering my home and my family. That would be close to intolerable to think about for such a long period.
11. I'm confused.
12. I desire to better understand God through this process, and I desire to better understand myself through it as well.
13. I know God is in control. I know God's ways are not my ways. I know God's thoughts are not my thoughts. I know His timing is not my timing.
14. We are only really ready to hear from friends and people who care..."We are so sorry and know this must be terribly frustrating." See #13 for things we know and don't feel like hearing right now.
15. I want my girl home. She is named and she is known. And she is loved. I just want her home.
16. This hurts more than I was expecting.
Monday, October 04, 2010
If I were Mark Twain...
Mark Twain supposedly once said, ""When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it's always twenty years behind the times." Well, in the spirit of Mark Twain and completely tongue-in-cheek, I say "If I ever find out I am going to die in a certain number of days, I am going to take a job with the court because then I can just keep delaying the date of my death."
Well, unfortunately the court in India has yet again delayed the hearing for our daughter's court date. What was supposed to have occurred today is now set for October 22. If you are keeping track, that is now the forth delay for the same court date. This is only the second court date, and we have been told to expect 3-5 appearances in court. What looked in January 2010 to be completed by perhaps the summer of 2010 now has the potential go many more months.
I just can't help but wonder what the rest of the world would look like if we all operated our lives and businesses the way the government runs theirs.
Thankfully, the God who sings over me also sings over her. We love you "S" and will be there to get you as soon as we can.
Well, unfortunately the court in India has yet again delayed the hearing for our daughter's court date. What was supposed to have occurred today is now set for October 22. If you are keeping track, that is now the forth delay for the same court date. This is only the second court date, and we have been told to expect 3-5 appearances in court. What looked in January 2010 to be completed by perhaps the summer of 2010 now has the potential go many more months.
I just can't help but wonder what the rest of the world would look like if we all operated our lives and businesses the way the government runs theirs.
Thankfully, the God who sings over me also sings over her. We love you "S" and will be there to get you as soon as we can.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Rock. And Roll?
Today we received in the mail the culmination of a research project undertaken by someone in China we have never met, and likely never will. Several months ago, in a step of faith that perhaps only other parents of internationally adopted children may understand, we sent $250 to a different lady we have never met. Maren read a posting of hers on the internet telling about this lady in China that does research for families who have adopted a child from China. For $250, she would do several things for us. She would go to the finding city, take pictures, try to locate the finding spot, gather written material from there, try to get some correspondence from the orphanage, mail us a postcard from that city, and a few other things. It was several months ago that we parted with that money on a whim that we might be able to add just a small piece of our son's history. Several weeks ago, we received the post card mailed from his finding city. Today, when we arrived home from our 17th wedding anniversary get-away weekend, we found a package on our porch. It was not until we opened it up that we realized it was from this research project we had started. I won't go into all of the details of what was in it, but one of the things sent me to sobbing. I have only done that a few times in my adult life. After looking through the entire package, we somehow missed one piece. In a small red bag, we found a rock about the size of a large grape. A note inside the bag indicated it was from his finding location. Now, to be perfectly honest, it may have been a rock from in front of this lady's home. Based on everything else we received, I would highly doubt she falsified this part of it. For whatever reason, having that in my hand quite literally overwhelmed my senses and left me struggling to understand so much about my son's journey.
So, what does that have to do with our daughter? Well, after yet another court delay, there is supposed to be a date tomorrow. We still have had only one court date in India. The second was supposed to be in August. Then it was pushed back to September 6. Then it was pushed back to September 30. Then it got pushed back again to October 4. As we are getting ready to go to bed soon, it is just the first part of the working day there in India. When our social worker called from Oregon to tell us about the latest delay, he also stated that the lawyer in Monday was expecting a positive outcome in this October 4 date.
We only got a message about this information. Thus, we do not know if the lawyer meant "positive", as in things should go well and get us moving towards the next court date, or if it was meant as "positive" in that the lawyer has some expectation that we might get legal guardianship tomorrow.
When I began to pray tonight before bed, I began to pray that we would gain guardianship tomorrow. Part way through it, I switched to an honest prayer that court would simply go the way the Lord wants it to go. And the thing is, I meant it. While I struggle to see how delaying things helps our daughter (particularly being an adoption-focused therapist), I also know that I don't "see" a whole lot.
There are a few reasons why obtaining a favorable result tomorrow (actually while we sleep) would be pretty cool. After the 9-11 attacks from 2001, I picked up the phrase of the husband and father on the Pennsylvania flight when he helped to lead passengers in an attempt to overcome the terrorists. "Let's roll" has become now a standard phrase for me. So, it is possible that in this 24 hour period we will get a rock for my son and be able to roll for my daughter.
Let's Rock. And Roll.
So, what does that have to do with our daughter? Well, after yet another court delay, there is supposed to be a date tomorrow. We still have had only one court date in India. The second was supposed to be in August. Then it was pushed back to September 6. Then it was pushed back to September 30. Then it got pushed back again to October 4. As we are getting ready to go to bed soon, it is just the first part of the working day there in India. When our social worker called from Oregon to tell us about the latest delay, he also stated that the lawyer in Monday was expecting a positive outcome in this October 4 date.
We only got a message about this information. Thus, we do not know if the lawyer meant "positive", as in things should go well and get us moving towards the next court date, or if it was meant as "positive" in that the lawyer has some expectation that we might get legal guardianship tomorrow.
When I began to pray tonight before bed, I began to pray that we would gain guardianship tomorrow. Part way through it, I switched to an honest prayer that court would simply go the way the Lord wants it to go. And the thing is, I meant it. While I struggle to see how delaying things helps our daughter (particularly being an adoption-focused therapist), I also know that I don't "see" a whole lot.
There are a few reasons why obtaining a favorable result tomorrow (actually while we sleep) would be pretty cool. After the 9-11 attacks from 2001, I picked up the phrase of the husband and father on the Pennsylvania flight when he helped to lead passengers in an attempt to overcome the terrorists. "Let's roll" has become now a standard phrase for me. So, it is possible that in this 24 hour period we will get a rock for my son and be able to roll for my daughter.
Let's Rock. And Roll.
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