Something went right!!

You know, it is pretty easy to get cynical during this whole process as one thing doesn't work smoothly followed by another one that is full of potholes. We have finally had something go just the way it was supposed to.

We went on Monday of this week to the Butler County Sheriff's office to try once again to get our background checks completed. As we have already experienced a lot of hassle in this area, we were expecting more of the same. I will say that going into, however, I did have a bit of hope. Honestly, our dealings with the Butler County Sheriff for the last adoption were quite good. We even bumped into the big dog himself, Sheriff Rick Jones. How can you not like a guy that brings back the old chain gang and makes them walk five-wide chained at the ankles picking up tracks in the median of state routes!! I love it. I saw them the very first day they were out. As I drove up near them, they had road signs out saying "Caution. Chain gang ahead". I wasn't sure what it meant at first since real chain gangs had gone away a long time ago, but hey ho, there they were in their striped pants and everything!! Our sheriff rocks.

Anyway, I digress. We went in, and unlike other locales, they seemed to grasp pretty quickly what we needed. They stated that it wouldn't be a problem and we just needed to fill out a short information form. They would be able to have the results the next day for us. This was great news. AND, it didn't cost anything...Bonus!! But the best was yet to come. After we completed our paperwork, she called us back over and said that she had located a notary and they would be able to take care of it for us right then and there so we would not need to come back. Whoo Hoo!! Inside of 10 minutes, ol' Sheriff Jones office accomplished what several other agencies couldn't do. So, now we are done with that portion of the process. We continue on.


Oh yeah, our background checks came back negative. I guess Maren doesn't have any explaining to do afterall!!

Retina scans might be more appealing

Have I mentioned the fact that I REALLY don't like dealing with fingerprints? I mean, seriously. How obnoxious can these things honestly be? Apparently, I haven't yet found out the depths to which fingerprinting can freeze my shorts. So the latest is this: Two days ago, I had some time in the middle of the day and used it to go to the Clermont County Sheriff's office to get my state and federal fingerprinting done. I did have a bit of a complicated request. I needed a set to go to our homestudy agency. I needed a set to go to the agency for whom I am about to start doing homestudies. Finally, I needed a letter to be notarized, signed by two witnesses, OR sealed with the police seal on department letterhead to be given to me for our international dossier. Not exactly straightforward, I know. But explainable. So I explained it. The first two requests were no problem, but the third was impossible. I will get to that explanation in a minute, because first I have to note that I had to leave there after waiting in line and talking to the nice people so that I could go get exact cash...no checks accepted. Ok, so I am back at the sheriff's department now. I talk to my fourth person about what I needed to do. By the way, I must add that all four people were genuinely very nice and patient. Anyway, the fourth person was able to explain some of what they could not process my request for a written letter. She told me I would need to go to my local department to get the document. So, says I...If I am here getting a fingerprint check on the state and the federal level, why wouldn't those capture any crime I might commit in my home county? All she could really tell me is that there might be things in their handwritten files that are not entered into any computer system. I pointed out that the sample document I had listed the "Texas Department of Corrections" as the sample department that it came from. I noted that Texas was a state and that I was pretty sure my agency is just trying to determine that I have not committed any crimes anywhere in the state (or nation for that matter). I also pointed out that Maren was able to go to a different county (Warren County) and get the same document I was requesting even though she didn't live in that county. No dice. They were unwilling to produce such a thing. So now I get to go to my THIRD locale to get yet more fingerprints taken. Oh yeah. For all of you keeping score, I still have to go at least one more time past that to the federal building in downtown Cincinnati to get more federal fingerprinting done. Apparently there are federal fingerprints and then there are federal fingerprints. Makes sense to me. Perhaps what I really need to do is to go to one location per digit. Does anyone have a stamp pad at their house. I can get some from you too!

Disappointing, but meaningless

We got word back from our adoption agency thay they are content with the way our former homestudy agency conducted themselves. This is disappointing and somewhat confusing, but ultimately, it doesn't mean anything for us. From what I can tell from the email we received back, this former agency misconstrued some of their actions and the events. For example, they apparently said there was no signed contract (wrong) and an imcomplete application (wrong again). I will send one final email stating that I disagree with the former agency's characterization of things and request again that Holt consider partnering with another agency in Southwest Ohio to give adoptive parents more than one option to consider. I will also state that I accept the results and appreciate their looking into it. Really, how much can Holt do with a Dayton agency while being located in Eugene, Oregon? I am impressed with the speed with which they addressed the complaint (Holt, that is).

The latest paperwork update is that Maren has obtained her local and federal fingerprinting. I have to do mine still. We also both got our physicals last Thursday (both alive, well, and kicking).

More government fun

We are in the process of readopting Elijah in the United States. He has always been officially and legally ours, but by readopting him here, he will be able to have a United States birth certificate created for him. Then in the future, getting a new original will be a piece of cake compared to trying to track down his original in China.

Maren diligently completed a 21 page form last night so that we could take it to the Probate Court today to get our hearing scheduled. We were almost turned away because an address area was left blank. Maren offered to write it in, but was denied because it needed to be typed. Yep. A trip to another city was almost wasted because they were not going to let her handwrite in an address. It had to be typed. Even now, I am not quite sure I understand why the woman relented and set us up for a pre-court hearing. And, she didn't even have the address added at all. If government were a private business, it would have gone under long ago. But the good news is that government just keeps getting bigger and bigger, and lately it is getting bigger by leaps and bounds. What a good good thing for our country.

Fingerprints: The Dark Stain

There is much about the adoption process that is a pain. At least the second time through, much of the process makes more sense. We can see better how some things go together. And yet, much of the process only reveals the ineffeciency, idiocy, and ridiculousness of the government. And doggone it, a similar issue really has my craw again. Fingerprints. Yeah, fingerprints. Those simple things on your hands that you forever hear are unique to you. You can watch 5 shows per night in which some bad guy is captured as the result of his fingerprints being left somewhere incriminating. And yet, for some reason if you are going to adopt a child, the dumb things EXPIRE in 18 months. Yep, you got it. Some how, if you need them for an adoption, after 18 months...POOF, they just aren't any good anymore. Oh yeah, and when they do expire, you have to pay a bunch more money to get them done again. Gee, can you say "racket"?

So that was our experience last time. They expired so we had to get them again. This time, our fingerprints are causing a bit of a different issue. I took some time off work today and Maren passed on Bible study so that we could go get our FBI fingerprints and our BCII fingerprints. Amazingly, since we did this the last time, it now appears that you can get them in the same spot whereas before, we had to go to two different locations to get our fingerprints taken twice. Nevermind the fact that they take the prints digitally now rather than the old ink format. It would be waaaaaaaay to easy to simply email the things to the other organization like the rest of the world does. But, alas, it seemed as if things became more efficient. Bravo government. So we get to the Clerk of Courts in Butler County who proceeds to tell us that they can only send the fingerprints to one location. We needed them to go to three. They repeatedly assured me that this was not possible. For $57, they could only send them to one location. I then asked if they could just give them to us. No way could that happen. We are not permitted to have our own fingerprints apparently. We can carry the original but not a copy. Ok, got it. Anyway, after going round and round with the lady explaining why we needed three copies, she kept insisting that it was not possible. I was flabbergasted. For real? How hard is it to hit "print" three times and address 3 envelopes. She finally called over a supervisor (not because I was belligerent...I wasn't but because she didn't understand). The supervisor assured us that it was in fact possible to send them to three places. It would just cost us $57 EACH TIME!!!!!! Arrrrrrggggghhh.

Finally though, she gave us a bit of good news. She told us that the sheriff's office does them for about $30 cheaper. Ok great, can you direct us there? Well, I can she says but they only do fingerprints Monday-Thursday from 8am-3pm. And, of course, today is Friday. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE ONLY DOES FINGERPRINTS DURING THAT TIME FRAME???? If I ever commit a crime, I have made a mental note that I am only going to do it at night when they can't fingerprint me. Heck, I can keep good criminal hours. Perhaps I will commit the crime at 4pm and then get away free since they can't fingerprint me. I wondered out loud if I pulled into the sheriff's parking lot and kicked one of the patrol cars if while they were fingerprinting me if I could simply ask them to forward it onto our needed addresses. I was told that would probably hurt our chances to adopt.

So now we wait again until we can arrange time during ridiculous hours. Seriously though. Think about that. We CAN'T get fingerprinted at the sheriff's office except during normal working hours. In other words, if you are a contributing member of society on day shift, you have to take personal time from work to get fingerprinted. But, if you are a criminal, you can get fingerprinted at any time. Heck, they will probably even come to your home to accomodate you. Good grief.

Starting Over Again

We did the homestudy thing once for Elijah. Then, we started over on a new homestudy for our next child only to have to fire that agency. Now, we get to start over again. We received our homestudy packet from our new agency today. Maren has already gotten a leaping start on it. Pretty impressive actually. Several of our friends who have adopted have husbands who say something like, "My wife was amazing. She did everything and did it quickly." I must admit that the selfish side of me would love to be able to say that, but honestly, I do not want her to have to complete all of the work. I am interested in getting it done as quickly as possible, but my reasons are perhaps a bit different than many adopting folks. I am interested in bringing our daughter home, and I know the paperwork is part of the process to accomplish that, but basically, I can't stand it all. It is just so much, and I get tired of it.

Goal realized

This is pretty cool. It won't be very cool to anyone but me, but in 13 hours, I will be officially hired on as an adoption assessor with All God's Children. For those who remember, this is the same organization that our family used to expand itself in bringing home Elijah. I cannot speak highly enough about this adoption agency. They were first rate in every single thing they did. It was after our adoption was completed and I was wishing that I could use my social work skills to benefit others on a ministry basis that God placed in my head to become an adoption assessor myself. What better way to use my skills than to assist others in bringing home their own children from the community, state, country, and around the globe? I set out to earn my assessor certification and took vacation time from work to complete much of the necessary coursework. I did this specifically with the goal of being hired on by All God's Children. I never asked the organization about doing this and was never given any promises that I would be hired on. In fact, after earning my certification, I first approached All God's Children and was told there wasn't enough work and it likely wouldn't work out anyway. While I was disappointed, I never doubted that there was another reason for me earning my certification. The call felt too certain.

Through an unusual set of events, I was hired on with A Center for Homestudies and Placement Services in May 2008 for my first contract work as an assessor. I remain very very grateful to Rima (director) for bringing me on and coaching me through my first homestudies. I continue to contract with this organization and also think very highly of her and her dedication and professionalism towards those who seek her services.

Tomorrow, however, barring any unforseen circumstances, a specific dream of mine will be realized. The Ohio director of All God's Children (different from the director I talked to over a year ago) has indicated she intends to hire me on as a contractor. That is cool.

Sometimes you get what you pay for

For a guy who can't spend $20 without searching and researching over and over to find out if I can buy the same thing elsewhere for $19.27, the concept of voluntarily paying a $1000 or more for an agency to do the same thing that another agency can do goes against nearly every fiber of my body. The fibers that it doesn't go against, however, are honesty and integrity. I was always taught that those things were supremely important, and I have come to believe that intensely. One example of this is that we purposely searched for a name for Justin that meant "integrity" when he was born. Shy of naming him some obscure name that would have gotten him beat up regularly, we agreed on "Justin" meaning "truth and righteousness". So, we have decided to retract our application to our original homestudy agency. They simply did not pass the "smell test" as it were. In fact, they simply stunk from the very first phone call. I don't tend to complain about things too much to others who do things for me. Sure, I might complain to Maren (especially about 40 degree temperature drops in less than 16 hours....good grief), but generally I keep most complaints to myself. I am in this business, however. I complete homestudies. I know what their requirements are, and I have a fair understanding of good business practices. Holt International suggested we write a letter of complaint. I did. I probably went overboard. It was nine pages, single-spaced. Hmm. That might be overkill. But, I wanted to be detailed so I included all of our email communications to demostrate the extent that we went in trying to make this work. So, now we are trying to connect with another agency. We will keep you posted.

At what price ethics?

Greg here.
I remember when I served on the board for American Heritage Girls when some dialogue was occuring on the spirtiual differences between AHG and Girls Scouts of America. Part of the dialogue revolved around the greater cost to each family to have a girl in American Heritage Girls versus having her in Girl Scouts and that some families had their girls join Girl Scouts because of this. The Girl Scouts have seriously left its original roots and has become heavily feminist (and all the negatives that go with that designation) and very much openly stands against Christianity and the values contained within that belief system. The executive director made a comment at the time that she is always amazed when people will sell their beliefs for so little a cost. In other words, people will choose a organization to save a few bucks even when they know that organization stands against their stated beliefs. That has always stuck with me. I found her statment to be simple yet very powerful. In fact, it has haunted me since then wondering for what exactly would I sell my beliefs. It has been pretty scary a few times. I have found temptation in selling my beliefs for mere pennies. Forget millions. While I can't recall a time when I actually sold my beliefs, I do know that there have been times when I have had to actively campaign against myself from doing so. Perhaps the most recent was when I discovered that we had failed to report $750 on last year's income tax. Almost all of that money was paid to me in cash over the course of the year so there is no paper trail for it. It was very tempting to simply let it go. Certainly the IRS would never have found out about it. They couldn't have. I even thought about simply overreporting my income by $750 this year to "make up for it". In the end, I completed an amended return and mailed in the extra $106 we owed the IRS. All the while, I knew that our likelyhood for audit or some other problem was exponentially increased. Well, probably not exponentially, but still.

OK, so what in the world does all this have to do with our adoption. We have sent in and paid for an application to a particular homestudy agency. After we and they agreed on costs, after we sent in the application, after we paid the application fee, and after they verified receipt of the application, they came back and told us they were adding new fees for us that would total about $90 extra dollars per visit beyond what we had originally agreed. After complaining about this, they agreed to reduce it to an extra $65 per visit beyond our original agreement. I am still fired up about this, and we have been dealing with it for several weeks.

So the question is this. Do we continue with this agency? In some ways, the easy answer is "Absolutely not". This is not such an easy answer however, because to change to a different agency would likely cost an extra $1000 by the time everything is said and done. So, do we go with an agency whose integrity is now seriously in question to save a thousand bucks. Or, do we switch agencies knowing that the cost to us would be substantial?

Any thoughts are most welcome.

Studying our home

We have barely begun the next step in our process. We have scheduled our first meeting with our homestudy agency. It is kind of strange, however. For the first meeting, they want us to come to their offices in Dayton (without the kids). I must say, I do homestudies as a side job, and it is confusing to me why we would be going to somebody's office to do a HOMEstudy.

We get a lot of questions or statments that compare our first adoption process to this one. There are definitely similarities but differences as well. We are using a different adoption agency and a different homestudy agency. We are approaching this with some mild trepidation because we had such a good experience last time, especially with our former adoption agency. Here is a major difference. The last time, during the paperwork process, we were given a call EVERY MONDAY by our adoption worker. This current agency only calls once per quarter. That is strange to me. Thankfully, the experience we gained from the first process is already guiding us through this one.

Application tidbits

While earlier this month we completed an online application, there was some additional paperwork to complete (there's ALWAYS additional paperwork to complete). We were able to get that completed and sent back out to Portland. It will hopefully arrive there in tomorrow's mail. From this point, we will wait to receive a serious packet of information to complete (see, I told you). We have talked about setting artificial deadlines for ourselves in order to help facilitate the completion of paperwork. Going back to when we first met in college, we have done most paperwork-related things at the last minute. Because there is no official deadline for any of this to be completed, we must generate our own, or next year at this time we might be typing about the paperwork we still have to complete.

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!

I am tired and don't feel good, but I felt it was important to get something up here on the day that we have made our official decision. Today as of about 4:30pm EST, we submitted our application to Holt International to adopt a child from the country of India. As a family, we are excited but know that there is a very long road ahead for us. Because of India's adoption rules, this process in many ways will be more complicated than our adoption from China. India gives preference to Indians living within the country first, then to non-resident Indians living in other countries, and finally the least preference to non-Indians. Whereas China discourages (for the most part) in-country adoptions, India very much encourages them. By definition, we can only qualify for a special needs and/or older child. We have had two people from Holt tell us that we should expect a child at least 3-4. It remains to be seen how this will all play out. That is good by us!

Will you follow me?

Dear friends and family,
On the same day that our family made a verbal commitment to adopt our next child from India, the country has come under horrible terrorist attacks. If you are following the news, you have seen the scary, despicable acts committed by radical Hindus and targeted against Westerners. We must pray for this country of India. Though it seems so far away, the reason Westerners are being targeted is that they are most likely to be Christian. Our brothers and sisters are falling for no reason other than they proclaim Christ. This is real persecution.

This whole thing has certainly given me pause. I am convinced that God is directing our path to this country. I am also convinced that we have more to do in India that simply pick up a child. It is EASY to sit here in my warm, comfortable bed late at night and tell God I will go where he sends me. Will I follow?

Suddenly, they're everywhere

Greg typing:
Maren and I are getting close to making a decision on where we will be adopting. Trying to discern the Lord's will at times can be tricky...at least for me. I sometimes have trouble figuring out if what I am "seeing, hearing, and feeling" is from the Lord (something like, "He who has ears let him hear.") or if it is more like I have a thought, desire, whatever, and then see/hear/feel stuff to back up my own created idea. That is sort of where we are right now.

Several days ago, while praying in the car going to work, I was struck by the thought of adopting from India. I don't think I have any preconceived wishes/desires about adopting from India, so the thought was a bit unusual. When I came home and talked to Maren about it, she was definitely open to the idea. As we have begun to explore it more, the idea seems to be gaining ground. One of the ways I have begun to try and test this thought (is it from God or from me) is to try to seriously consider adopting from other places...especially the United States (probably more about this in a future post). Honestly, those other ideas do not seem to be right within my spirit. I don't mean that I am considering other places to be defiant to God, but rather to try and sense with the Spirit what I should know. It is not right to say that I am repelled by the other thoughts, but there is a curious (or not so curious) feeling of emptiness with those thoughts. The only way I can think to describe it is in a word picture. When I try to think about adopting from places other than India, I have this mental picture of standing all alone in a room with one window but the door open behind me. When I think of adopting from India, my mind is filled with architecture, people, sounds, sights, and images of connecting with believers in that far away land. I must confess that at this time I am reading a book called God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew so it is entirely possible I am being swayed by that (or is that why Brian Mease handed me the book when I asked him for some light, free-reading material????!!)

So, what is the point. The point is this...You know how after you get pregnant for the first time (Ok, yeah well not speaking from personal experience in the truest sense of the word) you look around and suddenly people are pregnant everywhere and everyone seems to be talking about being pregnant? That is a little like what is going on now. I am now seeing Indian people all over the place. The news suddenly seems filled with stories from India. I don't think I am allowing this to affect my thinking on the whole thing, but it has been an interesting observation. Even tonight as I was reading the Sunday paper, several pages in was a story with the byline of New Delhi which is where we would fly into most likely.

Once we make an official decision (and in my mind, making an official decision includes my signature to some sort of contract of sorts), we will post the details. That being said, we are eager to go where we are sent whether even more half-way around the world than China or 20 minutes away to our county Children's Services.

Marvin K. Mooney

Greg here:
One of my favorite children's books that was read to me many times was "Marvin K. Mooney Will You Please Go Now". The opening of the book goes like this: The time has come. The time is now. Just go, GO! The book goes on from there to describe how some unseen Dr. Suess character orders another character to go. The book never says exactly where Marvin is supposed to go, but presumably he figures it out at some point in the story. We can assume this because the book finishes up with: I said GO and GO I meant. The time had come, SO...Marvin WENT.

Ok, lest you think I am drawing my marching orders from a children's book, rest assured that I am listening to someone so much more intelligent. However, there is much about this story that rings true for our family at this point in our lives.

Most of you know that we have already adopted a little boy to add to our two natural children. This blog was originally started to chronicle that story. Well, while that story is many chapters from being completed, a sequel has been started. Just a few weeks ago, within about 24 hours, Maren and I both suddenly became certain that God was again calling us to adopt and that now was the time to begin moving forward. So, like Marvin in the story, we are going. Also similar to the story, we don't yet have a concise idea of where we are going, but we are confident we will receive our particular marching orders soon. When the end of our story is written and someone looks back and learns that we were told to "GO", I also want the end of our story to read, "So, they went".

The Journey Home

We left Guangzhou in a hurry last Friday afternoon. We went to the swearing in ceremony at the US Consulate expecting a quick deal, only to learn that in honor of National Adoption Day, they were doing an extra special ceremony for us. Oh, joy. They had the Consulate General, all the adoption processing workers, and tons more people present in honor of the occasion. They gave a great long political speech, acknowleged all the agencies present, swore us in, then wanted photos with everyone. We left before the photos since we had a bus to catch.

Our bus from the hotel had been in an accident and was unable to retrieve us. This greatly complicated matters. It was now rush hour traffic, so the taxi we had called had slow going. We were starting to get concerned because we still had to get back to the hotel, get our bags from the room we had left them in, catch another taxi, then get to the hotel the shuttle bus would leave from. We were accompanied by Qin Lei to the shuttle bus. When we arrived, we threw our stuff onto the bus, sat down, and it started moving. Whew! That was close!

We arrived in Hong Kong six hours later. It was supposed to be a three hour trip, but there was a traffic jam from Guangzhou to Hong Kong. Misery. We had to pass through immigration to get into Hong Kong, dragging our four bags and child with us. We were dropped off in the middle of Kowloon, near another branch of the Metropark Hotel. We were at least near something we recognized. The staff there was helpful in helping us find our hotel on a map so we could tell the cab driver where to go. We flagged down a cab and went to the next hotel.

In the lobby of the hotel, we checked in and were given our room key (an actual key) and the remote to the air conditioner. When he saw all of our bags, he commented that our bags would not fit into our room, so he would upgrade us to the super room for free. Hmmm. There were only four bags. We had to go outside to the next lobby to get to the elevator. One was out of service with electrical difficulties. As the other elevator descended, every other floor or so, the display would read, "Out of Service." Greg told me to just not look at it. We rode the elevator to the 11th floor, found our room, and discovered that my parents' bathroom is bigger than the super. There were 2 single rock hard beds in there, a night stand, a tv, a small fridge, and a scary bathroom. It was actually clean, but still didn't look right. At this point it was 11:30 pm, we hadn't eaten any dinner, and wanted to be out of the hotel by 6:30 am to get to the airport on time without stress. So we just went to bed. Greg got very little sleep.

The alarm went off at 6 am. We got dressed, packed up, and went down to catch a taxi to the Airport Express train station in Kowloon. We had hoped to find a McDonald's on the way for breakfast, but the one we saw was inaccessible from the road we were on. We arrived at the train station and discovered that there was a United counter there that allowed us to check our bags all the way through to O'Hare. What a relief. We caught the train (they came every ten minutes) and relaxed on the way to the airport. We checked in at the airport and then found some breakfast. Food was a very good thing at that point.

Elijah had broken out in a rash a few days earlier. We had tried a dose of Benadryl but had not seen much change. We did not have infant Benadryl with us, which I would definitely take the next time! We stopped in the pharmacy at the airport and talked with the pharmacist. He sold us a bottle of Polaramine, which is an antihistamine. He cautioned us that it might make him drowsy, but that it should help with the rash. I'm not sure it did much with the rash, but what a bonus that it made him drowsy!

He slept for half of the trip to Tokyo. We had bulkhead seats, which allowed room for him to play. They gave us a bassinet for him to sleep in safely on the floor which he was too big for. He tried to turn over, found himself stuck, and freaked out. We got him resettled, but he was done sleeping there.

We had plenty of time to catch the plane from Tokyo to O'Hare. We did not have the bulkhead seats we were hoping for, but ended up next to the only open seat on the plane. What a blessing. He slept for most of the trip. He only fussed for maybe 5 minutes of the entire 11 hours on the plane and was quickly settled.

Once in Chicago, we had to collect our bags, get through customs, then get Elijah through immigration. That took a while, but he is now a US Citizen. We had had to recheck our bags, then get from the International Gate to Gate 1 at the exact other end of the airport. We got to our flight, sat down, they closed the doors, and we left. Whew! We barely made that flight! It was only 50 minutes from Chicago to Columbus, and we were so excited knowing that Kailey and Justin were waiting for us at the other end.

Arriving in Columbus, Kailey and Justin met us outside security with my parents. We ate at the Wendy's there, then headed for home. As anticipated, Elijah was not impressed with the car seat. He had never been in one before and really objected to being restrained. The first 10 minutes of the trip were really noisy. We turned on some music, and he settled right down.

That was the hardest leg of the trip. Greg and I were both exhausted since we had had so little sleep in the previous 48 hours. Greg drove halfway home, then I took over. We got home safely by the grace of God at 9 pm. Thank you for all your prayers for a safe journey. We all slept well that night.

We made it!

Hi all,
Just a quick note to let all of you know that we are home safely. We will still be adding a few things to the blog to wrap up our detailing of the trip. Those will happen over the next few days and into next week. Thank you all for your prayers and support. They were invaluable.

Flying Home

First, let me say that this post is not from Greg or Maren but from Amy Haney. Several people have asked me when Greg, Maren, and Elijah will be flying home, so here is your answer, based on the flights they posted. I went to United.com and checked the lengths of their flights to convert all the times into Eastern Standard Time in parentheses. I have no way of confirming that they make it onto their flights, but you can follow their flight status at United.com. Please keep praying for their safe and timely return!

United Airlines 890 Nov 18 10:05 am HKG (Friday, 9:05 pm EST) to 2:50 pm NRT (Saturday, 12:50 am EST)

United Airlines 882 Nov 18 5:55 pm NRT (Saturday, 3:55 am EST) to 2:14 pm ORD (3:14 pm EST)

United Airlines 1123 Nov 18 4:10 pm (5:10 pm EST) ORD to 6:24 pm CMH

HKG=Hong Kong
NRT=Tokyo
ORD=Chicago (O'Hare)
CMH=Columbus

Changes and Growth

So you have heard about our lovely dining experience, the rest of today was pleasant. We played down at the playground some more. It is going to be so hard to go home to cold weather from here. Not that that is enough motivation for me to consider staying for even a moment, no way! I am so looking forward to being home! I am glad, however, that Elijah has a playset coming for inside the house. Thanks, friends for the gift!

Elijah continues to grow more comfortable, more animated, more relaxed. I have heard from parents with kids who are in school that they frequently hear from the teacher that they are model students who never talk back, pleasant and cooperative. This sometimes surprises the parents. It may be that their extremely talkative child at home is reported to be silent in school. I wonder if it does not come from the level of order and discipline needed to keep chaos from reigning with a large group of children. Many of the children have to hold themselves in check to keep from getting into trouble. Some of these children also keep to themselves because of their personality; they are just too shy in a public setting to really shine. I don't think the children in orphanages ever really get to relax and be themselves. I frequently hear that children adopted from orphanages do not act at all like the description they got from the orphanage. The orphanage reports they are shy and quiet, but the parents get to know a vivacious, outgoing child. I wonder if there isn’t just a freedom that is good for children that comes from being within the safety, the protection, the love of a family that allows them to completely relax and be who they were created to be. Now I am not condemning orphanages. In fact, I wonder if they aren’t actually preferable to the developmental needs of children rather than our country’s foster care system that is so disruptive and destructive to the development of attachment and bonding with multiple placements, but that is another essay for another day.

It has been interesting to observe some of Elijah’s behaviors that were obviously trained into him by the orphanage. It has also been fun to watch him learn new behaviors that demonstrate freedom. When he first came to us, he was completely passive at mealtimes. He would let me spoon things into his mouth but refused to feed himself. It was like he did not know how. I would give him his sippy cup, and he would hand it back, open his mouth, and wait for me to help him drink. He had been taught to be passive to make it easier for them. Yesterday he fed himself his entire breakfast (liquid yogurt through a straw, a sliced banana, a boiled egg, and a whole lot of strawberry covered Cheerios.) When we change his diaper, he was very passive; now he rolls and giggles and plays. Maybe passive in that case was better. After he is changed, he just lays there. He doesn’t get up to carry on. I’m not sure what that was all about, but I ‘m sure he was taught to stay where he was placed. We just keep inviting him to go on. We want him to learn to live within the freedom we can afford.

If you really think about it, we do the same thing with God. He sets limits for us, because within those limits is freedom. There is safety if we stay within the behavioral boundaries God has set for us. But how often does God give us freedom and invite us to do something, but we just sit there and don’t move? How often do we remain passive waiting for God to do it for us, when he is inviting us to participate and carry on. There is great joy to be found within the freedom given to us by God.

Another thing that has been very interesting to watch has been how Greg has responded to being Elijah’s rock of safety during this transition. It has been hard for me, since as many of you know, I absolutely love little ones and generally am pretty good with caring for them and being able to comfort them. Working in the toddler room Sunday mornings gives me a lot of opportunities to be with this age group and help settle a whole lot of upset toddlers going through a difficult transition. To finally get the child I have been praying for for a decade, only to have him want nothing to do with me was hard. I kept reminding myself that the connection would come. We will have him for the rest of his life and Daddy was going back to work. He would learn to trust me soon. That is already happening. Our general experience and learning on toddler development is that small children need to learn to trust and love before they can do much else. Toddlers stick with their safety zone (a parent), especially in unfamiliar settings. The secure ones will explore their environment, then return to contact with their safety zone for a recharge before going back out again. With our other two children, I was the primary safety zone. With Kailey, I was the only safety zone. That is a role I am comfortable in. Greg, not so much. It is a very demanding roll that requires immense patience and a level of tolerance of goo.

What we did to help Elijah start to learn to trust me too was to have me be his source of food. The theory was, if he sees me as his source of food, he will begin to see me as his source of other things as well. We let him stay with his rock as needed. When we pushed his safety zone and insisted someone else hold him, we paid for it. We have learned just to let him feel safe and move out on his own. At the playground yesterday, there were a whole lot of people there. Elijah gripped tightly on to Greg and was not happy to be set down. He did not feel safe there yet. We let him remain in Greg’s arms until he told us he wanted to get down. Then he would play and return to Greg, and then play some more and return to Greg. It was classic. Last night at dinner, he put his arms up to me to pick up…from Greg’s lap. We looked at the light show together. It will be interesting to see how this relationship continues to develop over the next 48 hours as we head home, and then transition to his new home.

Greg and goo is a funny thing. Moms of toddlers tend to be dotted with various toddler donated decorations. Greg is the one who is the recipient of this decoration right now. We have these “Nutritional Biscuits” that Elijah likes to snack on. I’m not really sure what they are, but they look like a sugar cookie and are very fortified with various vitamins. I do not think they have much sugar in them, but then, my Chinese isn’t very good either. Kailey liked them; Justin gave it back to me after one bite. Greg has now said he will not touch Elijah while eating one any more since they create such a lovely beige goo. Elijah has had a runny nose since we got him, so that has to be dealt with. Greg has changed most of the diapers and done most of the potty trips. You should have seen the look on his face when I mentioned cloth diapers at home to facilitate the potty training! I think Greg has grown some in dealing with way more drool, runny noses, and mushy food than he ever has before! He still hates it, though.

It has been a time of growth and a shifting of roles for all of us. We have had to rely on God as we take on new jobs. Greg asked me to remind him of the Fruits of the Spirit at times when he is dealing with Elijah (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.) Good things for all of us to remember and exhibit as we parent. So now we tell each other to get Fruity.

Well, I need to wake the guys up. We need to eat breakfast and pack. We have to check out of the hotel by noon, leave for the consulate at 2:15, and prepare to leave for home. We were planning to take the train, but all the tickets were gone by the time we tried to buy them. It worked out though (doesn’t it always when God is involved?) We are able to take a shuttle van that will drop us off near our hotel. The trip takes an hour longer but leaves an hour sooner and is half the price of the train. We should get to Hong Kong by 10 pm tonight. We will then sleep in a hotel in Kowloon. Tomorrow morning, we will take the Airport Express metro train to the airport, then fly home. Oh, I cannot wait!

I don’t know that we will have anymore computer access until we reach home, so pray for safe travel for us, please! I’ll update when we are stateside Saturday evening.

Funny, but I don't feel more clever

Greg> Maybe I need to sleep on it. Maybe I need a little more. Whatever the problem, the only thing I feel is a bit of upset stomach. We went out to dinner tonight with our shopowner friends. It was a VERY nice time. It was the owner, his wife, their 2 year old daughter, and his sister. The brother and sister came into existence before the current laws against multiple children. This family is just a wonderful family. My wife and I will truly miss them when we leave. While we are looking forward to going home, we are not looking forward to saying "goodbye" to them tomorrow. Sitting outside on the sidewalk outside of their shop many nights reminded me of older America where people used to sit on their front porches and interact with their neighbors. Now, we don't even have front porches. Such a shame. By now, some of you are saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get on with it already. I know there is something juicier in here than all this schmaltz." Well, I wouldn't say "juicier", but it was really not what I expected. So, as we are deciding what we are going to order, Maren and the other ladies went to show the river to the kids. He leaned over to me and suggested a few soup orders. The lighting was very bad as we were outside and it was mostly dark. I looked at the small print on the soup card, looked even more closely at what he was pointing at, stopped breathing momentarily, and I am also pretty certain my heart stopped beating. I mopped the cold sweat off of my forehead and worked like mad to keep my right leg from rapidly bouncing up and down involuntarily. You see, I am a firm believer that pigs would really prefer to keep their brains. What do I need with them? I have my own brains. OK, OK, OK. Stop it. Just stop it right there. That is mean. Very mean. I am halfway around the world and you are making jokes about me having my own brains. Kick a guy while he's down why don't you?! Anyway, my friend said that an old Chinese saying is that eating pig brains makes a person more clever. And I am thinking, the reason it is an old Chinese saying is that somewhere along the line they learned it was a joke played on them by their big brothers. This is very similar to my big brother hiding my nice afternoon snack of plum and saying that mom told him my afternoon snack was a banana and that I had to eat it. That also was very mean. It took me something like and hour and half to put that 'naner down. (I forgive you big bro, but I can still feel that nasty, squishy thing in my mouth!!!). So anyway...he looks at me with poorly veiled humor in his eyes. And to my total amazement, I heard my mouth say, "OK". If I had been outside of my body looking at me, I would have stared at myself with my mouth wide open.

He then said that only he and I would get it and that the wives and sister would get a different soup. He pointed to another. I looked at it and thought, “No problem my wife likes duck. She will eat…” Oh man. He can’t be serious. He is serious. That isn’t duck soup. It is duck KIDNEY soup. Oh wow! Oh, that will never do. But I can’t tell him “No.” That would be rude, and he did say they would like to take us out to dinner and we did agree to go. I did what any self-respecting, yet polite husband would do. I told him not to tell her what kind of soup it was! He laughed heartily.

So anyway, our soup was delivered. It had a lid over it. I opened it up. It looked really good actually. That is probably because it looked like a cup of tea except in a bowl. I thought maybe I had hit it big and the brain part was more blended into the liquid as opposed to being, well, as opposed to being brain. At just that moment, my wife returned. I did something I really shouldn’t have done. I went fishing. Not out on the river, though given a choice…! Nope, I went fishing in my bowl. My wife leaned over to see what had arrived, when even in the dark lighting, she recoiled a bit and said, “That looks like ‘brain’. She then took off her lid, and there was no momentary hope for what stared her in the face could only be described as “kidneys floating in soup”. (That could be a bit for David Letterman’s skit “Will It Float”. If you are ever watching and the object to guess as to whether or not it floats is duck kidneys, bet on them floating.)

So, I finished all my soup! Right down to the last bit of grey matter. Well, I guess technically I didn’t finish all my soup. It turns out that Elijah really likes brain soup! To my credit, I really only gave him the equivalent of two spoonfuls, while I myself finished all the rest. Oh yeah, one more thing. I pulled out some large very dark block looking thing. I leaned over and asked my friend what it was. He wasn’t sure but assured me I was supposed to eat it. I took the plunge and put this very strange thing into my mouth. I bit down and had the distinct feeling that this must be what eating a cork plug must taste like. I tried chewing for quite awhile, but the thing didn’t even really change shape. It just sort of existed in my mouth. I finally leaned over and asked again if I was supposed to eat this thing. He scooped some out of his, put it into his mouth, chewed for awhile and then spit it out. He never could identify it except guessing that maybe it was some sort of Chinese medicine. Oh goody.

Maren finished too. She finished looking at her soup.

Now, about that clever thing. . .