History: Reborn

My wife stated it perfectly when she started her post with "What a day". Never have I experienced something like today. Waking up to the email about problematic test results was disheartening, but in some ways not a shock. The more I am around adoptions, the more I find that smoothness and order are the exceptions rather than the rule. I wish the news were different, but it doesn't change our goal in the least. It may add some interesting layers, but that is all they are...layers to the story. It is my prayer that additional testing will allow us to return with her as scheduled, but I understand that it may not happen, and I can accept that.

Going to the orphanage was a dream come true since we first started this process. Other than getting our daughter, the only thing I wanted out of this trip was to visit the orphanage and visit the finding spot. Going to the orphanage also further stoked my desire to one day run an orphanage in another country. But don't tell my wife that. She really likes the good ol' U.S. of A.!! She doesn't like my talk of emigrating one day to do that kind of work:)

I wasn't sure how I would take being at the ophanage. I really didn't know what to expect. Would I be overwhelmed? Would I be callous? Would I never want to leave? Would I want to take them all home? I was curiously surprised that I didn't have this emotional desire to take them all home. I walked away comfortable with the idea that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now in my life.

The orphanage was very clean and well-run. The kids were known by their caretakers and loved by them. They remembered little Sneha very well. It is interesting to hear her described as quiet and timid as that is not the description we have read about so many times.

Here is something else I saw at the orphanage that really made me happy.

Kailey holding some of the children.

Justin playing and laughing with some of them.

Elijah not having emotional triggers to his own time in an orphanage but instead clearly identifying himself as part of a family.

My kids were playing with and touching children much of the world doesn't care about. Children much of the world thinks are worthless.

Children a majority of the world wouldn't even touch.

Children many say should just have been killed.

My kids didn't see deformity and become scared My kids didn't see drool and mangled teeth and recoil in horror. My kids saw wonderful creations of God. Children just like themselves but born to a different set of circumstances. My kids embraced them, literally. I am very proud of my kids today.

The experience at St. Johns was simply amazing. The set of circumstances that went into play to lead us to the NICU to see where she had spent her first days and to talk to people who had a direct hand in caring for her makes me shake my head in wonder.

The medical director who first got the ball rolling for us was hilarious. He was one of those naturally funny, engaging, charismatic sort of people that after spending a few minutes with, you just want to spend a whole bunch of time with. He could have ordered people around with his job title, but he didn't do that. He had the knack for creating work for people and making them feel good about barging in on their day. Dr. Sanjiv Lewin was a huge help today. He got us in touch with Dr. Saudamini who was the lady who told us about our Twinkles. Thank you doctors.

Oh yeah, one more thing I forgot to write when I first posted this. The title, History: Reborn has to do with my thoughts leaving St. Johns Hospital after learning all this information about Sneha's history. As I walked away, I was struck by the thought that had we not showed up, had we not been directed to the people to whom we got to speak, this part of her history would have faded into the place where all forgotten thoughts go. Our unannounced arrival and a few key words, triggered memories in people that had been stored in some part of their brain from over four years ago. Those memories, once significant, then fading away, now have become significant once again. Our daughter's history was reborn on this day. The memories now form a past. A past filled with gaps to be sure, but a past vastly greater and more organized than even twelve hours ago.