The Trip of a Lifetime, but Not a Vacation

We are moving quickly now, working to pack, gather the final details, and leave the house clean for a more pleasant return home. Packing is nearly finished: only the carry-on entertainments need to finish charging and being gathered and toiletries into packed luggage. We leave for the airport in less than 36 hours. Wow.

People keep asking us if we are excited. People also keep telling us to have fun in India. My internal reactions to these comments are interesting. We have been anticipating, waiting,and praying for this time to come for so long. We, of course, are excited, but I am not excited in the same way we were as we prepared to go to Disney.

Here's the thing: I am not anticipating this to be a vacation. This is not exactly going to be a fun trip. It will be amazing, life-changing, faith-deepening, and a whirlwind. It will be an adventure for sure. I expect to grow much closer to my Lord and to my family. But fun? I am not so sure about that.

In my mind, this is kind of like anticipating labor for the second (or fourth) time. When a mom is expecting her first child, there is decidedly an excitement...and a fear of the unknown of the birthing process. She has no real idea what to expect, no matter what classes she has taken (and keep in mind I have been teaching these classes for almost 9 years now.) As a mom approaches her subsequent labors, there is also an excitement, but also a feeling of, "I'm not really sure I want to go through labor again. It really isn't that fun." The rewards are decidedly worth it, but the process just can't be described as fun. That is where I am sitting. I've done this adoption trip once, and it wasn't really that fun.

As a doula, a childbirth educator, a biological mom, and an adoptive mom, I have always said that pregnancy and birth are faster and less painful than adoption. You can generally guess the timing of the arrival of a birth within a month. This adoption process has dragged on more than 6 months longer than had been guessed originally. The labor process for birth can be hard and exhausting with its own unique pain, but so does the trip to receive an adopted child (especially for international adoption.)

We have been walking the path of life for the last four years with a scared, wounded child, helping him to heal from his experiences in his first two years. We have seen so much love, growth,change and hope. We have also seen anger, pain, and fear. We will be adding another child with similar wounds. We do not know what she is like, but we do eagerly look forward to getting to know her.

Am I looking forward to this trip? Definitely. Am I excited? Absolutely. Will it be fun? It will have its moments, I am sure. Will it be a vacation? Doubtful. Would I do it again? Without a second thought.