"I just wanted to hear your voice."

"I just wanted to hear your voice."

I don't know the exact timing, but for the past several months, I have been wrestling with the concept of praying and fasting during our adoption process. The wrestling has been for an unusual reason, at least for me. Rather than questioning God, wondering why He seems to be delaying, or any of the other reasons someone might struggle with prayer and fasting, my struggle has kind of been for the exact opposite reason.

I was, still am, and expect to be, perfectly content that God will work this out however He wants. That includes being very aware that a thousand things can still go wrong and that our daughter might never be placed with us. I genuinely believe I mean it when I say I trust God in this matter. Our next court date is November 20. It might happen. It might not. We will all be OK regardless, including our daughter. We won't be together but we are and will be under the watchful eye of our Father. So, I trust Him.

So, if I trust Him, why pray about it? Why fast? I don't mean that arrogantly. Just the opposite. I trust, so why go to Him with it? To be sure, I have prayed. I have fasted several times as well, though to be perfectly honest, my fasting has been done as if I were saying "Ok God, you have people fast in the Bible, I guess I will fast as well. I don't particularly know why I would need to do this right now because so many of the Bible folks seemed to be pleading with you, and I don't need to plead with you." There has been a large part of my praying for this issue (and all of the fasting), that feels like I am trying to plead my case before Him. BUT, I don't have a case to plead. I am not worried. I am not concerned. I desire to go. I desire for her to be home, but if I trust and if I have faith...why pray hard? Why fast? I am finding it a challenge as I write this to convey accurately what I have been feeling. Let me try to sum it up in one sentence in prayer format: "I trust you Lord, so I don't understand why you would want me to pray. Doesn't that seem to convey that I don't actually trust you?" Ok, maybe two sentences.

"I just wanted to hear your voice." These words were repeated over and over by our Missions Pastor this morning as he gave the morning sermon. The very essence of the story is that his mom called him this past Tuesday simply to tell him that. "I just wanted to hear your voice." It was powerful to him. Two days later, he learned he would have to give this morning's message in a pinch hit situation as our senior pastor unexpectedly was not going to be able to preach. The message the Missions Pastor gave was focused on prayer. As he taught, he kept going back to his mom's statement, "I just wanted to hear your voice." He tied this statement into the Lord and into prayer. It was ultimately a simple message. It was profound for me.

After several months of searching, talking to my wife, talking to friends, talking to one pastor, talking to an elder, and praying a great deal about why I needed to pray about this, I got my answer this morning. God wants me to pray, even when I trust Him, because He just wants to hear my voice. Ponder that for a bit!

I get it, and I don't get it. But I get it.