Hmm. What to think? Honestly. I have no idea. Today is October 22, 2010. The date that our next court date was scheduled. You remember, right? The court date that has been postponed four times already. Well, it has been postponed again. The courts keep finding new ways to bung this whole thing up. If there weren't a life in the balance, it would be kind of comical. Guess what is postponing the court date now for the fifth time? Bet ya can't (unless you have talked to us already). They scheduled this court date on a HOLIDAY in India. The courts weren't even open today. Whatever.
Ok, I started out by saying I don't know what to think. I guess that is only partially true. Actually, I have a bunch of things zipping through my mind. In no particular order these things are:
1. How in the world is it possible that they scheduled our next court date on a holiday? I mean seriously. Have they never heard of computers that keep track of that sort of thing? Sheesh, people have been keeping track of holidays long before computers ever came along. Did no one have a pencil mark sliced through that date on their date book? This is simply a level of incompetence that I can't comprehend.
2. You are funny God. I have been telling people how I fully trust you with this. Good one. Now you are checking me out on that I see. (I think this sounds much more irreverent than it feels. I don't mean for this to sound as though I am copping an attitude with the Creator himself.)
3. There is a girl whom we have known about for almost a year. We have a family for her. Why does it seem as if the judge (in India) doesn't care?
4. I'm frustrated.
5. I'm disappointed.
6. I completely trust God.
7. I wonder if the delay is worldly-directed or God-directed?
8. Will this delay actually help the attachment process somehow or is it going to make it that much harder?
9. I specialize in foster care/adoption mental health. I know a thousand things that can go wrong with attachment, and I must admit that I am a little scared inside with each passing day/delay.
10. I might be more than a little scared, but I do not allow myself to think about the things I see everyday at work entering my home and my family. That would be close to intolerable to think about for such a long period.
11. I'm confused.
12. I desire to better understand God through this process, and I desire to better understand myself through it as well.
13. I know God is in control. I know God's ways are not my ways. I know God's thoughts are not my thoughts. I know His timing is not my timing.
14. We are only really ready to hear from friends and people who care..."We are so sorry and know this must be terribly frustrating." See #13 for things we know and don't feel like hearing right now.
15. I want my girl home. She is named and she is known. And she is loved. I just want her home.
16. This hurts more than I was expecting.
2 comments:
So sorry........
Dee Dee
It's all craziness and Ifeel for your sad heart - I love seeing your deep long and longing for your daughter. It's great to see this is not just a mother thing. Thanks for sharing your feelings. I'm praying that the judge in an unexpected way sees your case with out you knowing it and passes you!
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